is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
