Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
