Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
