You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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