I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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