It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
