She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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