I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
