Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
