In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
