you guys were way drunker than both of me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
