My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
