So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
