also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
