you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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