the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im holly from the hills drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
