I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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