Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
