Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
