I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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