i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
