HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
