dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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