we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i dont even know how to be here
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
