My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
