then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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