I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
