did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
