sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
