You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
