Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
