she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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