dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
