Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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