She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
organizing the empties. That sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
