Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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