but the lizard people decide everything anyway
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
