margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
