No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
