Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
