Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
