never play flip cup with pint glasses
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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