So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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