I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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