Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
