had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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