too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
