so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
