I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
