I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
